Just like many of you, I enjoyed watching some of The Masters golf tournament recently.  At one point, I was taking in the beauty of the course and just trying to imagine how much more beautiful Heaven must be – impossible to imagine, I know.  I thought of Thee – the Master – the real Master – the One & Only.  I observed how, at times, spectators at the golf tournament would follow a player – at times they’d walk along side him – at times they’d go ahead of him.  And I thought, you know… that’s how it is with the Master.  Sometimes He walks behind us in support, sometimes He walks along side of us in companionship, and sometimes He walks ahead of us to make a way (for us).  And sometimes, He’ll even show up with a golf cart to carry us when we’re weary.  Pretty cool, huh – leave it to The Master!

Ever notice how some people laugh at inappropriate times like during a funeral – when nobody else is laughing?  Did you know that’s perfectly normal for ‘those people’?  Really, it is – for certain people – that’s just how they naturally react to strong emotions.  Notice I used the word ‘naturally’…  I used to pride myself in being stoic, which is a learned behavior deemed ‘professiional’ by many people,  and I still feel proud when I’m stoic, but I’m trying (these days) to express my feelings appropriately.  ‘Course – you gotta understand – that’s ‘appropriately’ for me.  You express your feelings appropriately for you.  I must mention there are inappropriate ways in which some people express their feelings, and they need to work on that – as in anger management for example.  Certainly it’s natural to feel anger at times, but that doesn’t mean you should kick the cat - that would be cruel.  See what I mean?  I think the point I’m trying to make here is… each of us has the right to feel however we feel and to express our feelings as long as our expression doesn’t hurt someone (or the neighbor’s cat!).

I just wanted to make sure you know you can post a question or comment, or both, anonymously. 

So what do you say when people ask how you’re doing?  Happens to me all the time!  Sometimes, I ask ‘compared to who’?  Other times, I say ‘oh probably better than some and not as good as others’.  But most often, I say ‘good enough’ and they just look at me like… what’s that supposed to mean?  But really - I mean… just how good do we have to be – right!  I mean… don’t we just have to be good enough!  Isn’t that enough!  I mean… after all, my wife just died!!!  Sure, it’s been ten months… So!  Don’t you just wish you had a good answer for your good friends who are just trying to say ‘I care about you – I love you, ya know’…  I feel sorry for them – those who try to befreind me – it seems we often both feel caught between a right and wrong answer.  What do you usually say?  Help me out here – how do handle just such situations?

I was wondering… how do you heal your heart when it hurts?  You know, there’s only one who can really heal a hurting heart, and that’s God.  They say ‘time heals’, but that’s not right – time does definitely help, but it doesn’t heal – God heals.  You know how when the lifeguard is trying to save someone who is drowning, and the victim physically tries to fight off the lifeguard… well, I guess that’s the same as us – those of us with a hurting heart – feeling anger towards God – it’s like we’re trying to fight Him off.  After all (we think to ourselves), this wouldn’t have happened if He had been here to begin with!  And we know – deep down – that He was there with us – comforting us – as much as we let Him – it’s just that sometimes, we fight the very one who is there to comfort us – it’s  like we’re biting the hand of the one who feeds us…  If I find, at times, that I’m angry with God, I’m going to make a conscious effort not to bite His hand, but rather allow Him to comfort me as He so desires!  Can’t you just hear Him… as he tries to help us into His loving lap of comfort, “Don’t bite my hand – I’m trying to heal your hurting heart my child”.

You know how they say if you don’t like the weather in Texas, just wait a minute and it’ll change?  Well, I think that’s how grief is.  The only problem is; with grief, there’s no forecast!  It just hits – out of the blue!  It may just last a second or it may last a while, but you can be sure it’ll keep changing.  That’s that rollercoaster people talk about.  And it makes for a wild, hard ride.  If you think of it as a boat rather than a rollercoaster, it’s like someone’s rocked the boat (remember that song?).  Of course, we aim for smooth sailing, but I guess without some wind, there wouldn’t be any sailing at all, huh?  So how do we smooth the ride?  Good question, huh?  Well, I guess it’s different for each of us, and I guess the answer depends on many variables…  It makes me dizzy, because I feel like I hafta keep one eye on ‘the next step’ (not always knowing what that should be) and one eye on the road ahead – you know… keeping ‘the big picture’ in mind.  Too bad we’re not able to harness the wind…  That reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, ‘Sometimes God calms the storm and other times, He calms us during the storm’.  I love that!  You know how when a baby is tired and frustrated and just won’t calm down, you just hafta hold him tight and be calm yourself, which – in turn – calms him, the baby.  The next time you feel tired and frustrated and unable to be calm amidst life’s storms, try to feel the tightness or closeness of God’s love, and allow yourself to become calm, one with Him.

I just wanted to point out something very important; they don’t have to die (‘they’ being someone – anyone – our ‘loved one/s’) in order for us to experience real grief.  I mean… grief is caused by many things other than the death of a loved one.  For example; divorce…  Yesterday I said that I want my wife back – well, someone having gone through divorce could also say ‘I want my wife back’ – you see what I’m saying…  So if you hear someone say they’re not interested in this conversation, because it’s just about death and grief, set ‘em straight – it’s about grief no matter what caused the grief.  (Plus, it’s not all gonna be about grief – we’ll talk about other related matters too, but mainly it’s about real life – I’m talking real life!)  Just think about all the things which cause grief, besides death… there’s divorce, loss of job, bankruptcy, what about loss of your dream – boy, we know that can be a big one, but I bet most of us don’t even realize that’s grief – oh, what about the loss of your dream for your child – there’s another one that can be really big.  There are so many real life issues which cause us grief.  So invite a few of your friends or family members to join in on this conversation – it’s truly for everyone!

(If you’ve read this first, please scroll down as you should really read the ‘welcome’ first – then work your way forward so you’ll be caught up.)

With today being April Fool’s Day, I keep thinking… enough already – I want my wife back!  I can’t believe she’s really dead – it just seems like a bad joke that’s gone on way too long!  Ever feel like that?

Be sure to scroll on down to begin at the very beginning so you can kind of get caught up – begin with the paragraph titled ‘Welcome’!  And by the way, thanks so much for taking the time to read this – please spend a little more time, to post a comment or question of your own.